Monday, October 24, 2016

#8 Plus The Review Game

Wow, just when I think it can't go any higher it moves to #8...exciting! We're at #70 on the popular chart, so moving up slightly on there too.

Anyway, thought we could play a game that I played on FB last week where I show you why reviews don't matter. It's a quiz...but a fun one. I've got some new ones in there just in case you were one of the ones playing along on FB.

These are ACTUAL AMAZON REVIEWS for movies. They are all 1-star reviews for movies that are, by all measure, excellent movies. Yet, someone out there has seen fit to not only rate it a one, but to talk shit about some of the amazing things in them.

The answers will be way down below if you want to see how you did.

1) --"If Zero Stars were possible...
I'm normally a sucker for movies like this, but this one was so bad I didn't even finish. And that really means something."

   --"Not what I expected. was lame"
   --"Very weak writing and flat affectless acting and all the actors wear way too much make-up, looks very silly."

These are reviews for _________________________

2) "My wife wanted this for her Amazon video library. The language is horrible, the plot pathetic and the acting lousy. I don't get the appeal."
This is a review for _________________________

3) "Weak plot. Bad resolution" and "The book was better". I'll give you a hint--think Hitchcock, but your first guess is probably wrong.
This is a review for _________________________

4) "I have always liked ACTOR but my goodness he didn't always pick the best of films during his career. This one is no exception. Don't get me wrong, it has an interesting story line but the effects are so cheesy that it ruins the whole film for me. It had the makings of a great movie but then their effects just kill it."

This is a review for _________________________

5) --"Terrible. These movie makers owe me $4 and 90+ minutes of my life back...i can never recover the wasted times pent hoping this would get better. Did mention that i had wished that the "moviemakers" had decided to hire a qualified audio engineer after they looked at a few filmed scenes? Absolutely unwatchable, unlistenable, useless movie."
   --"Stupid don't waste your time."

These are reviews for _________________________

6) "Lots of foul language, Also quite a bit a sexual hints, promotes sleeping together in high school. And lots of blasphemy (God.d , Jesus/Jesus Christ) all this even within first 5-10
of beginning. Was very disappointed, thought this was an older movie with some values boy was i wrong. went in garbage. Definitely won't buy the rest in this series."

This is a review for _________________________

7) "I am amazed that this film gets so many positive reviews. I love horror films, and I want them to be scary, frightening, etc. I'm not a big fan of the horror comedy genre. There are a few good ones. But, this is not one of them. This is simply a bad comedy, and there are no real jokes here -- just kind of "stupid comedy": the characters constantly simply act stupidly, and that is supposed to be funny. There is nothing clever here. There is no believable character, with the exception of ACTOR. He is the one saving grace, and his professional acting ability shines way above the rest. But the plot, the other actors, the "jokes" are really bad. The special effects are mostly consisting of "melting faces", and were done on the cheap. Good special effects for the time and for a low budget -- but, not very good for scaring the audience. At the time this was made (1985) perhaps it deserved good reviews as a send-up of horror films. But, it really does not stand the test of time, in my opinion."
This is a review for _________________________

8) --"I went in to this expecting to like it, I even paid to rent it through amazon instant movies and I can't get past the first 45 minutes. The acting isn't good, the plot is really lame so far and I just can't even get in to it enough to finish it. I had heard from quite a few people that its a 'great movie of the 80s' so I thought I would try it and definitely am disappointed."
   --"This is a kid's movie. I can't understand that anyone over 14 thinks this is a great movie! Even the main characters are kids."
   --"I'm not one of those who criticizes other films because other people liked them, but I HATED this film. I rarely hate a film. I even liked MAD CITY. But this...this is not cinema! This is filming people and adding bad dialogue! Quite obviously a no-star movie and THE worst I have ever seen. I'm sorry if I offend those die-hard lovers of the film, but that's my opinion."
These are reviews for _________________________

9) "I was a huge fan of the original. This was a disipiontment. Though it has better FX the plot isn't very good unlike the firsts very unique and original plot. This is a very good DVD and I hope other better movies get this kind DVD treatment. If you want a mindless Special Effects film this is for you."
This is a review for _________________________

10) "Terrible flick with horrid plot and bad postproduction synthetic 3D. The CREATURES were well done, but the rest of the movie was very poor."
This is a review for _________________________

11) --"This movie is just not good, it wasn't scary, it was, uh, it was dumb. There were probably two frightening moments in the film, but it was almost more of a weird fantasy film than horror? I don't get why I've heard so many people say how scary this is, like i have a very low fear-threshold for horror films and this one just was annoying to be honest."
This is a review for _________________________

12) --"really boring it's like a big crime investigation. I didn't get startled at all."
      --"This movie deserves zero stars, it's awful. Absolutely not suspenseful, it's completely predictable and B O R I N G. This movie is a waste of your time and money. Snorefest zzzzzzz"
This is a review for _________________________ 

And the reason that filmmakers shouldn't taken reviews too seriously...

1) Tremors
2) Jaws
3)  The Birds
4) The Thing
5) Shaun of the Dead
6) Back to the Future
7) Fright Night
8) The Lost Boys
9) T2
10) Jurassic Park
11) Insidious
12) The Ring

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